Taoism in Everyday Life: Driving
I love to drive. Car was my first word. As a child, I counted the days until I would turn 16 and become eligible for a driver’s license. I care about it, perhaps too much. This is why it is such fertile ground for my Taoist training.
Bad driver
As much as I love driving, I also need to be careful, because it can bring out the worst in me. Nobody likes traffic, but I really hate it. If I don’t watch myself, I can easily get mad and turn into a tailgating, lane-changing asshole. I’ve also been known to scream profanities at other drivers, although they probably never hear me.
“Avoidance, as it turns out, doesn’t make issues go away.”
I have an overdeveloped sense of fairness, which other drivers routinely violate. I am too attached to various things. . . getting where I want to go sooner, having others treat me with respect, having others follow the rules. . . but not too much! They should follow the rules of the road as I see them. Don’t go the speed limit, that’s too slow. But don’t speed recklessly, that’s too fast. You get the point. I have strongly held ideas about how things should be. But the universe couldn’t give less of a shit about how I think things ought to be. People who have known me for a long time know that when I am behind the wheel is when they’re most likely to see my shadow side. But this isn’t who I want to be.
For much of my adult life, I have mostly avoided driving anywhere during rush hour. That reduces my risk of getting triggered, but it doesn’t actually address my issue. Avoidance, as it turns out, doesn’t make issues go away. I don’t want to be the kind of person who avoids his problems.
Amateur therapists might ask, why? Why are you like this? Well, I grew up in an area with lots of traffic and an aggressive driving culture. Maybe I have issues with anger, control, or respect. Does any of this help when I get cut off in traffic and feel that rising heat in my head? No, these backward looking explanations are just a story. Worse, if I believe those stories too much, then I’m likely to keep driving like an asshole, because that’s how I see myself.
How do I feel about this behavior now? Shitty. That isn’t the person I want to be. Fortunately, I have found some strategies for shifting into a different mode.
Good driver
On Thursday evenings I drive out to the suburbs to train in “push hands.” This is a Tai Chi training exercise to help develop sensitivity and awareness. When pushing hands, training partners establish a physical connection (they’re always touching, not breaking contact) and attempt to off-balance or throw each other. One of the great things about push hands is that it gives you direct feedback on how you’re doing. You can throw somebody or be thrown by them.
“The goal is to be aware and appropriately responsive to changing circumstances, nothing more.”
I mentioned earlier that driving in rush hour traffic stresses me out. I noticed that if I showed up tense and bothered from driving stress, it was easier for opponents to off balance me. My emotional tension showed up as physical tension (in my back and shoulders, for example) that gave my training partners “handles” that they could grab onto and use to physically manipulate me. I was also less sensitive to my opponent and thus less able to find and exploit mistakes. I resolved to focus on using my drive time to enter a more Tai Chi state of mind. Relaxed but energized and fully aware.
It should come as no surprise that showing up to training with a calmer mind and body helped my push hands. Without that extra tension, I made fewer mistakes that my partners could use against me. But the really interesting part is what happened to my driving.
To get into the right mindset, I resolved to make no effort to get to my destination faster. Instead, I had to focus on getting into the flow of traffic. The more smoothly I could move with traffic, the better. Just as with push hands, I would not force anything or hurry. The goal is to be aware and appropriately responsive to changing circumstances, nothing more. In that state, when your opponent makes a mistake, you can throw him with little or no effort. He actually seems to push himself.
In push hands, we learn to anticipate the opponent's next move intuitively, through touch. This is the primary skill we’re training in push hands, and it’s generally called ting jin or listening energy. Even without the physical contact of grappling, I found that I could engage my listening energy while driving. By focusing on the same skills I used in push hands – body relaxed but ready, mind relaxed, senses wide open to incoming information – I could feel what was going to happen next in traffic. Rather than moving through space with aggression, I simply listened to what was happening.
“There is a saying in Taoism that a good traveler leaves no trace of his passing.”
Everything felt so much lighter, easier, and more joyful. Gaps in traffic opened up, and I took them, gliding effortlessly through the rush hour mayhem. There is a saying in Taoism that a good traveler leaves no trace of his passing. In my more stressed-out rush hour driving, I would leave many traces, irritating other drivers with my haste or aggression. My grasping for advantage would inflame other drivers around me, causing them to act more aggressively in turn, spreading the inflammation onward into the world. But in my push hands -inspired driving, I left no angry wake behind me.
While driving with this Tai Chi mindset, my experience was transformed. The stress of traffic lifted. When asshole drivers did aggressive things, they didn’t bother me anymore, because I was trying to be smooth instead of fast. And because I was so attuned to the flow of traffic, I actually think I ended up getting there faster. Certainly the rides become much more pleasant.
Conclusion
This result was both astonishing and unsurprising at the same time. Astonishing because the philosophy really worked. Unsurprising because . . . of course it worked! Taoist philosophy has been passed down through millenia because generation after generation, people have tested Taoist principles, found them helpful in everyday life, and passed them on. While it’s sometimes paradoxical, Taoism is a supremely practical philosophy. It’s the art of harmonizing with reality as we find it. It results in longer, healthier lives with less suffering.
“While it’s sometimes paradoxical, Taoism is a supremely practical philosophy. It’s the art of harmonizing with reality as we find it.”
To be my best and highest self takes constant awareness and effort. In this case, I had to consciously choose to stay aware, rather than going into autopilot mode while driving. By focusing on the Tai Chi skills of letting go of outcomes (don’t need to get there faster), listening energy, and flowing with my environment, I was able to improve my push hands performance and my driving. Both are rewarding.
When I make the effort to live my philosophy, life is more pleasant, and better outcomes seem to materialize on their own, without strain or stress.
